Star Trek in Space
by TJEckleburg
Summary: The crew of the Enterprise stand alone against the greatest threat the galaxy has ever known


"What do you see, Scotty?" Kirk asked. Scotty lowered his space binoculars.

"Borg ships, Captain. But there's something different about them." He raised his space binoculars. Gazing out through the cockpit of the Enterprise and into space, he saw the ships but then looked closer and saw a more sinister omen. Decorating the side of each ship were two triangles, one facing upward, one facing downward, both overlapping. Scotty gasped, "My god Captain, these Borgs have been assimilated into Judaism!"

Kirk took the space binoculars from his hands and looked through them. "Yes indeed. These are some Grade-A Dreidel Assault Cruisers. So it begins." He gestured to Spock. Spock nodded. He reached down and pressed the large red button labeled "Do Not Press". At once, the Enterprise's entire collection of space nukes flung forth from their tubes and rocketed towards the Zionist ships. Both ships exploded like twin Death Stars. The Enterprise's crew cheered.

Kirk had no time to cheer. He looked out of the window with his space binoculars and became unsettled. The window appeared to show him stars and space, but it was just a forgery. A third Zionist ship was barreling towards them, but the crew was unable to see this because the ship had been painted black with white dots, to make it look like space. Kirk saw through the mischievous Jewish lie, however. Their trick would have worked, had the ship not been flying the Israeli flag high in the air, flaunting their nation's stubborn independence. Kirk ordered Spock to fire space nukes at the hidden dreidel-shaped ship, but was informed that they used them all up on the other two ships. They had no choice but to let them board.

"No worries, Captain," a redshirt exclaimed, "I put a padlock on the main entrance to the ship, they'd have to have a crowbar or something to get in here. We're safe." Gunfire rang out behind them. The redshirt turned around to see a squad of Zionist commandos holding tasers, blasting away at anything in sight. The redshirt had time to mutter "Those sneaky Jews," before his face dropped in a pile of flesh.

Kirk dove to the ground and into cover and observed as the Zionist soldiers as they massacred his crew. When the gunfire ceased, he watched as they went around and took the wallet of every fallen man and woman. Kirk grabbed his megaphone and yelled from his cover. "You've made a mistake!". The Zionists stopped graverobbing long enough to glance in the direction of his amplified voice."Killing my crew is one thing, but stealing from them!" The soldiers raised their tasers and began to search for the source of this noise. "Have you no shame? Have you no decency? Taking you all out won't avenge the millions affected by the evils of Zionism, but it'll be a start." Kirk slammed the megaphone into the ground, creating a massive metallic scream. The commandos all dropped their weapons so they could plug their ears. As soon as they did this, Kirk sprang from his cover holding an AK-47. He shouted "Remember September 11th!" before gunning down all of the Zionists that dared enter his ship.

Spock and Scotty slowly arose from behind their fallen table after the gunfire ceased. Them and Kirk were the only survivors on the bridge. A large pronged ship glided towards the Enterprise. The survivors regrouped and went to the Captain's chair. A transmission came in.

"Oy vey Kirk, you've really done it this time." It was the Rabbi-General of the Israel's Space Legion.

"I aim to bring Israel back to her rightful owners, you monster," Kirk responded.

"Kirk, my friend, we mean you no harm. We don't wish to get involved in petty politics. Our ships were merely heading towards their pilgrimage to Space Mecca. There was no need to fire _nuclear missiles_ at them. They did nothing to you!"

Kirk remained silent. The rabbi continued.

"Listen, you've caused a lot of needless death today. But we are both humans, and it is my belief that no man deserves death if it can be helped. I'm asking you as family, the great family that is humanity, to just drop your pointless bloody vendetta and continue on your way."

Kirk considered this offer, but ultimately decided the rabbi was lying. Such was the nature of Israelis. He knew there was no nukes to fire at his ship, and even if he did have nukes, it would be no use against the heavy armored Menorah Defense Galleon that he was driving. When all seemed lost, Kirk strategized an heroic plan to defeat the evil before him. "Spock, Scotty. Load the torpedo tubes with the shekels from our sleeping friends here." They gathered the coins from the Zionist corpses and loaded the Enterprise's cannons with them. Kirk slammed his hand on the big red button and watched as the worthless monopoly money Israel calls currency drifted off into space.

"I don't see how this will destroy their ship, Captain," Spock asked, his face twitching from nerves and excitement.

"Just wait."

As the coins drifted closer to the Rabbi-General's ship, they watched as it's doors opened and as the hundreds of Jewish men and women piled out, all drifting towards the money with open arms before drowning in space.


End file.
